Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Massage

We're going to go backwards and forwards so eventually all the posts will meet in the middle but you see my past and present. This is a present post.

On Friday I had my first massage. It was really weird but very nice. Here I am at 9 a.m. I'm exhausted and late because I thought snooze was a good idea. Oh and I couldn't remember if you drink lots of water before or after a massage so I downed a huge water bottle.

I get there and all the receptionist kept saying is, "we're running out of time." Like yes I know. Can we just skip to massage? I know I was late.

I meet my massage therapist and she's super nice. I go in the room and undress and lay under the comfiest blanket and I knew I was going to have to try hard to stay awake.

My massage therapist comes back in and moves the blanket and I was like, "hey I liked that blanket." (disclaimer: I didn't say anything you read out loud)

She starts in on my shoulders which were suuuuuper tight. And I have to say that that part hurt. But whatever I was still trying not to fall asleep but also be totally Zen and banish all thoughts from my mind. Okay, yeah, tell my ADHD that. I move my tongue around in my mouth because I read somewhere that the average human can fall asleep in 7 minutes if they're absolutely still. I had an hour and I was determined not to fall asleep.

At this point we're halfway through (my shoulders are so tight she spent a majority of time on them) and I have to pee from drinking all that water! Obviously I can't do anything about it until we're done.

She starts doing what I call the rolling pin (this was my favorite) and used her arm like a rolling pin and my back was dough. It was heaven.

She lifts one arm to rest next to my head. And in that moment I have a very big concern. When was the last time I shaved my armpits?? I knew she would totally go judge me with her co-workers after if she saw my hairy pits.

Next came my feet. I don't really have nice feet. In fact I have tyrannosaurus rex toes. But I knew I shaved my legs recently and so they were barely pokey. The challenge here was when she massaged my feet. I wanted it down but knew I was ticklish. I had to use all of my remaining will power to not laugh or flinch.

When she finally flipped me over with about ten minutes left I was concerned whether I should close my eyes or keep them open. Well I didn't want to be staring at her awkwardly so I closed my eyes.

All I could thing about was how cold her breath was but at least it smelt good.

My mind wouldn't stay still long enough to create a full thought but I enjoyed It and didn't fall asleep.

Mackenzie