Sunday, January 31, 2016

Being Sick

I am currently not feeling too great.

I am the wimpiest person there is when it comes to throwing up. I will pace back and forth and essentially cry the whole time. A little over a month ago Pat had his first encounter with the sick Mackenzie. I woke up paced back and forth a little and cried, "Pat I'm going to throw up but I don't want to."

Now we don't know why these bouts come on. They just do without reason. It usually happens as follows: I get extremely tired at around 7ish, I fall asleep for an hour, and wake up feeling like I was sucker punched.

The same exact happened tonight as it did Christmas Eve eve. This time I was a little less babyish. I also have yet to be sick. As I am pacing the kitchen and the living room Pat goes into the pantry and gets out a sleeve of Thin Mints. He proceeds to eat them as he watches me pace back and forth while he repeats, "Better out than in". He finishes the whole sleeve as I debate what medicine to take to prevent what will probably happen anyway. As I'm consulting my mother on this issue Pat goes into the refrigerator and takes out the orange juice and asks if I drink it. I reply with a shake of my head and he then drinks it straight from the container with his chocolate covered teeth most likely leaving back wash of cookies in there.

Since then he has been trying to make me feel better after he told me I looked like I was about to fall over. One way was to look at me and say, "Here comes...the smolder" and did his best Flynn Rider impression. I almost fell off the futon laughing and although it didn't do much for my stomach it did much for my spirits.

Hopefully, tonight I can get some rest.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Downtown Hamsteak

Please from now on call me Downtown Hamsteak or Downton Hamsteak depending on how classy I'm feeling. When I become famous that is going to be my stage name. You may ask why.

I have a niece who is now 11. She was the first of a string of 4 nephews and another niece. She got to choose everyone's name.

I wanted to be called Auntie M because Mackenzie was far too hard for a youngster to say. Well it turns out they can't say Auntie either. At least for a while. So I was M. Well L (my now 11 year old niece) was continously saying, "Hi (Enter name here)". When it came to me it was, " Hi M! Hi M! Hi M!" Try saying that really fast. Spoiler alert: It morphs together into Ham. 

Ham has stuck ever since and now all the littles call me that. I don't actually remember how the downtown or steak part got attached. It had something to do with P!NK. But it sounds a lot better than just Ham.

Downtown Hamsteak

Wednesday, January 27, 2016


I was debating what to write about today and all I can think of is that after a bowl of pork fried rice, a quarter of a jar of fluffenutter, and the last of my gallon of raspberry sherbet I'm still starving and have so many spoons to wash. So tonight I will tell you about my spoon problem.

Most of the foods I eat..wait all of the foods I eat require spoons and pretty much no other dishware or utensil. I will have ramen or mac and cheese both of which require a bowl, a pot, and a spoon. I will occasionally make scrambled eggs which does not require a spoon at all. Other than that it's all spoons all the time. I eat frosting out of the can which is generally finished in two sittings.I eat cool whip out of the bucket done in a total of one sitting. And sherbet out of the container, a gallon takes me five sittings. We are always washing spoons and while the rest of our silverware sits patiently in the drawer. Pat questions my eating habits but loves me all the same.


Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Texting Tuesday: Lil Weezy

Welcome to my first installment of Texting Tuesday.

This first post is brought to you by my mother and talk to text. My mother recently got a smart phone and talk to text has been her saving grace. Or the bane of her existence it depends on the day.

Pat has not seen these yet.

It starts off so innocent with a simple mistake that I make a joke about.

My mother takes it to the next level as my family tends to do. Hence why we're fun people.

No mom, I can't imagine. His brothers are a different story though. My mom thought this would be too funny not to share with Pat. I'm sharing it with him now... and the whole world.


Monday, January 25, 2016

101 Dalmatians

Happy Monday!

Google knows how I feel.

Generally I don't know what to write the night before and I have a list of things to write about but I wait for when they feel right. Timehop have me my inspiration this morning.

In 1961, 101 Dalmatians was released. Now that seems like no big deal to most people even the biggest Disney fans. But this was my childhood and I'd like to tell you a few stories about this movie and my life.

Children have the typical movie phases where they watch the same Disney movie over and over again. For me and 101 Dalmatians that lasted about 8 years. I was obsessed. I had every toy, plush, and room decor that came out. I thought I was a dalmatian. I would sneak my uncle's dog's bones even though they were disgusting. I drank water like a dog. I lived my life as a dog. Until 3rd grade I was a dalmatian for Halloween. One Halloween I couldn't decide whether to be a fairy or a dalmatian. I did as a normal child would do and was a fairy dalmatian.
My younger sister humoured us for one year and was Marie from Aristocats but that phase only stuck until she could make her own decisions. But 101 Dalmatians was my first love and the A Bug's Life came along and I became obsessed with bugs but not so much as trying to be one.

I have recently reverted back to my dalmatian ways because Pat is a firefighter and dalmatians and firefighters were meant to be. I don't eat dog bones anymore but sometimes I'll lick my plate clean.  

As you can see I started early being different and still haven't changed.


Sunday, January 24, 2016


Hey everyone!

I would like to tell you about my day today but first let me define my title.

Schadenfraude: -German- feeling happiness at the misfortunes of others

Now to my day.

6 a.m. I was sleeping nicely at the house I was dog sitting at and the dog needed to go out. No biggie I'll just go back to sleep after I take her out. Well we had four inches of snow last night and I forgot my jacket inside. Oh and I'm allergic to the cold. Now most people who aren't used to cold weather will tell you they are also allergic to the cold. But no I actually get hives and carry an epipen around for this. The cold woke me up and sleep was nowhere to be found.

Nothing of note happens really until I get out of work at 3 and get home at 4:00.

4 p.m. I get home to the smell of recently used hockey gear and farts of  Pat's brothers.

4:30 p.m. Lucy comes out to greet me and I proceed to cut the poop out of her fur around her butt.

5:30 p.m. Brother #1 takes a dump in the toilet Pat spent two hours cleaning earlier. The bathroom was unusable for about an hour.

Somewhere in here the Patriots lose.

6 p.m. I try to coax Lucy out from her hiding place under the bed with treats so I can take her jersey off and Bear bites me because I wouldn't let him have Lucy's treats. (They're worse than kids.)

During the time period of 4:30 and 5:30 Bear ate all of the wet food again leaving Lucy none.

6:30 p.m. I feed Lucy. I'm trying to positively reinforce the fact that Bear was not coming near her food so I am throwing treats in his general direction while trying to pour the can of moist food into the bowl. My finger gets sliced open on the can and I'm gushing blood but still trying to reinforce the positive behavior Bear is displaying while Pat is yelling at me to come over and get a band-aid and stop the bleeding.

7:30 p.m. I finish cutting off Lucy's butt hair and proceed to bed.

Edit: 7:45 p.m. In the midst of Pat's cleaning frenzy early in the morning he did laundry. As I go to put mine away I notice that there are strange pink splotches on most of my clothes. I ask Pat concerned it's blood and he looks at me and says, "Oh I forgot to tell you I washed a whole pack of watermelon gum in with the laundry by accident.

To summarize this if you don't want to read this whole post: I was stuck outside, came home to a very smelly house where the smell got worse and cut off cat bum hair after letting my finger gush blood for a little bit just so I can train my cats to be nice to each other while all my clothes are covered in watermelon gum.

Thanks for letting me vent about my day and hope yours went better!

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Poopy Lucy

Good morning everyone!

Before I tell you the story of the shenanigans that took place in my apartment last night I need to set the scene a little bit.

Lucy is my beautiful fluffy kitten.
And this is her 26 toed adoptive brother Bear.
And then there is my loving boyfriend Pat. He was not a cat person until Lucy and I kind of showed up at his doorstep to move in. Then Bear came along because Lucy seemed to need a friend.

On Friday nights I stay at my parents' house because I have to work in my hometown an hour away from where I live. Lucy has a touch of anxiety and when I'm not home it gets worse. I'm enjoying a nice conversation with my family when I get a phone call. It's from Pat so naturally I answer. He starts with, "I have some bad news." My first instinct is to think the cats are injured or dead. Well this is what happened: Pat being the nice cat dad he is fed the kittens dinner last night. Bear ate all of the food because Lucy was too busy hiding. About 15 minutes later Lucy is mad because she wanted food. So Pat puts more food out for her. Food that Bear also wants. A hissing fit ensues between the two of them. Pat goes to break up the fight and Lucy gets scared and poops herself (these are not the words he used). As she is leaving little turds everwhere she walks Pat is trying to clean her bottom. Well she didn't like that too much and poops herself as Pat is trying to clean her up. Picture this: a frantic man wiping a cat's bottom and the cat continuing to poop as he wiping it up. Needless to say it was an endless circle of poop. I'm on the other end of the phone laughing hysterically while he is covered in poop and on speaker phone so my family can laugh along with me. Lucy is fine, by the way. And Pat is now clean. Now, both us find it funny and no cats were harmed in the aftermath of this story.

Come back for my next misadventure tomorrow.


Friday, January 22, 2016

The Misadventures of Mackenzie

Hey everyone!

This is like my fourth blog attempt but the difference is that I'm not writing about a specific subject but instead the crazy things that happen and have happened in my life. I love blogs and I've never been able to keep up. Except Instagram has become kind of like a blog to me.

As you can see I post a lot on there. Almost daily. So I want take my life on Instagram and use it to better myself and hopefully humor my readers on the way. I'll post both old and new photos. 

Come on misadventures with me.