Saturday, September 24, 2016


We're going to go backwards and forwards so eventually all the posts will meet in the middle but you see my past and present. This is a present post.

On Friday I had my first massage. It was really weird but very nice. Here I am at 9 a.m. I'm exhausted and late because I thought snooze was a good idea. Oh and I couldn't remember if you drink lots of water before or after a massage so I downed a huge water bottle.

I get there and all the receptionist kept saying is, "we're running out of time." Like yes I know. Can we just skip to massage? I know I was late.

I meet my massage therapist and she's super nice. I go in the room and undress and lay under the comfiest blanket and I knew I was going to have to try hard to stay awake.

My massage therapist comes back in and moves the blanket and I was like, "hey I liked that blanket." (disclaimer: I didn't say anything you read out loud)

She starts in on my shoulders which were suuuuuper tight. And I have to say that that part hurt. But whatever I was still trying not to fall asleep but also be totally Zen and banish all thoughts from my mind. Okay, yeah, tell my ADHD that. I move my tongue around in my mouth because I read somewhere that the average human can fall asleep in 7 minutes if they're absolutely still. I had an hour and I was determined not to fall asleep.

At this point we're halfway through (my shoulders are so tight she spent a majority of time on them) and I have to pee from drinking all that water! Obviously I can't do anything about it until we're done.

She starts doing what I call the rolling pin (this was my favorite) and used her arm like a rolling pin and my back was dough. It was heaven.

She lifts one arm to rest next to my head. And in that moment I have a very big concern. When was the last time I shaved my armpits?? I knew she would totally go judge me with her co-workers after if she saw my hairy pits.

Next came my feet. I don't really have nice feet. In fact I have tyrannosaurus rex toes. But I knew I shaved my legs recently and so they were barely pokey. The challenge here was when she massaged my feet. I wanted it down but knew I was ticklish. I had to use all of my remaining will power to not laugh or flinch.

When she finally flipped me over with about ten minutes left I was concerned whether I should close my eyes or keep them open. Well I didn't want to be staring at her awkwardly so I closed my eyes.

All I could thing about was how cold her breath was but at least it smelt good.

My mind wouldn't stay still long enough to create a full thought but I enjoyed It and didn't fall asleep.


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